The 7 day funeral bon

Today was the 7 day funeral bon.  

Two days ago our neighbor came to our home to give us our invitation to come to the event.  So the past two days I've been asking everyone I know what you do at a Buddhist funeral bon.  My teachers told me you go, give the family some money, eat rice porridge and then leave.

We knew there would be monks...a time of offering prayers for the deceased, and then possibly a teaching time, but we didn't know how it would all play out and what it was that we needed to do.  I got a few different answers on what was appropriate to wear to such an event so I was literally watching as guests arrived to see what they were wearing before I got myself and Aiden dressed!

Above all else we knew that it would make a HUGE statement in our community for us to go....#1 because we are Christian and #2 because we are foreigners.  My teacher at language school said she's never seen a foreigner go to a funeral before...sure foreigners are at weddings, but not funerals, she said.   So we prayed for God's wisdom and got ourselves dressed and went at the appropriate time this afternoon.

We're still not sure what to make of all of it as we don't know language and culture well enough to know exactly what happened, but our neighbors seemed very grateful that we were there and they made sure, several times, that we weren't going to leave too early and miss out on the rice porridge (which was darn good by the way....except for the squid tentacle that got stuck in Chris' teeth!)

Our prayers have been that through this experience that God would show himself to others through us...even if we say nothing at all, that people just KNOW that we are different.  They saw that we didn't participate in the merit making ceremony and prayers with the Monks, but they did see that we weren't afraid of it either.  Pray for this family that because we were willing to step out and go to the bon that they would be curious about us, and our God and that they would be willing to ask Mao, our nanny (who is also a follower of Jesus), or even that they would be willing to ask us about our faith (and if that happens pray that God miraculously gives us the language we need to say all that we need to say!)

Take a gander...

I've put a few new posts on our other blog that you may be interested in reading.  The blog is mainly about Aiden...here's the link:    http://ajbellar.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

Making a funeral...

     I truly don't mean this to sound tacky, but....the past two mornings I have been rather thankful that my sweet little boy gets up at the crack of dawn (anywhere between 5:30 and 6:00am).  I am thankful because if he hadn't woken me up I would have been pulled from my sleep by the not too tremendously pretty sound of the recorded funeral music that families play when someone dies.

     On saturday morning we were already awake when the music started blaring...and I do mean BLARING through our house.  We knew it meant one of three things....a wedding, a funeral or another 'bon' celebration of some kind.  We looked outside and didn't see anyone at all walking around in our neighborhood and we couldn't exactly tell where the music was coming from.  About 15 minutes later, I looked out again and finally saw it....the white flag that is flown near the house of the one who has just died.  It was flying at the house right across from ours.  The particular type of music that was playing is the same song that is played at the home of every Buddhist when they die.  We have been told that it is played as soon as possible after the person dies, so that the soul of the one who has just died (which is still roaming around somewhere) will know that they have died.  

     It took both Chris and I by surprise as we had just been talking with the wife of that family the evening before and she had said nothing of anyone being sick or near death.  Soon there was quite a bustle going on as people were coming and going in preparation for the funeral bon that was to happen that day.  The music got louder and louder...so much so that even though Chris and I were in the same room with one another we had to shout at eachother to be able to hear what the other was saying.  Then the monks came to offer prayers and to chant with the family...at points they were louder than the music!  

     Throughout the day tents went up, tables and chairs were put up and prepared for the funeral meal.  We soon realized that if we were going to go anywhere during the day that we needed to get our car out before they finished putting the tent up.  We literally had tables sitting just outside our gate and the funeral tent, once it was completely set up consumed our entire road.  The event went through the evening until 10:30pm when the lights in their house went out.  (We did have to park our car at a friends house though as we couldn't pull it down our road and into our garage).  

     As I got up and ate my cereal at the table this morning, I might as well have been eating out with the guests as we were pretty much staring at each other through the plants in front of our house....strange!  Finally 36 hours later this first of the three necessary funeral bons ended.  The second will come on the 7 day anniversary of the death and then the final one on the 100th day anniversary.  This is all part of the Buddhist/Khmer culture here.  I also noticed today that the youngest daughter in the home (a beautiful little girl, maybe 4 years old) has already had her head shaved bald.  This is a way to honor the one who has died.  So sad to see her beautiful long shiny black hear totally gone.

     What has struck me about this event is the lack of community involvement in the process.  We have said before that due to what happened during Pol Pot's time that people really don't trust one another too much and relationships are often lacking, but this just made it seem even more real.  Yes, the funeral caused all of of who live on this little street a bit of inconvenience (4 families had to walk through the funeral in order to go anywhere!) but through all of it I didn't see any of our neighbors go to see the family or be involved.  

     Another example of this that happened recently is when the house right next door to us had a baby.  We knew that she was pregnant and getting really close to delivering, but we had heard nothing from anyone.  Then as Chris was out with Aiden the other evening the dad came out and casually mentioned that TWO weeks ago their new baby boy was born!  No one else in our neighborhood knew either!  So I went to school the next day and asked my teacher what neighbors normally do for one another when a new baby is born.  She gave me a strange look and said that we don't do anything, that it was the families responsibility and they shouldn't burden the neighbors for help.  She did follow that by saying that since I was a foreigner that I could probably take them some food if I wanted to, and they would probably think it strange, but just chalk it up to the fact that I am a foreigner.

     I find it hard to be in a community where major life events are announced by sudden loud blaring music, or not announced at all.  Our hope is that when we learn this language and begin working in a community that our presence and therefore Jesus' presence will bring back some care and concern for the ones living next door.

There are just those times...

...when you are in language study, desperately attempting to learn a new language (so that you can actually talk to the people around you) that you for one reason or another just can't say anything at all!  Your tongue is tied or you just can't remember how to form the sentence correctly so you stutter along trying to get your point across until you just want to quit and go find someone you can talk to in English!

Needless to say, we've had a few of those days lately.  They tend to come out of nowhere and smack you right in the face with a load of discouragement and frustration.

What's been even more frustrating lately is that we are beginning to learn how to talk about God.  Yes, I did say we have to LEARN how to talk about God.  In Khmer there are different forms of speaking.  You use different words depending on who you are talking to or about.  

The words we use to talk about God actually come from Sanskrit and tend to be long and confusing.  Jesus' hand is not just a 'hand' its something totally other.  And if you want to pray, well you better study what words you can and can't use to make  your requests known to God (if you are praying out loud, that is).

So today I was proud of myself for being able to have a phone conversation completely in Khmer, but then when I walked down the street with Aiden and attempted a chat with the guys at the wood shop and couldn't understand much of what they said, I was again frustrated and wondering....will I EVER learn this crazy language!

On a more positive note, Aiden has learned that he loves french fries and climbing up the stairs to our bedroom!  Oh to have the heart and mind of a child....able to absorb everything around!

Election Update

For those of you interested in the election events here in Cambodia (or any other news for that matter) you can go to the Phnom Penh Post's website at:   http://www.phnompenhpost.com

As of the moment, the CPP (Cambodia People's Party) is claiming victory, which means that Hun Sen, the current Prime Minister will remain in office.  However, there seem to be some shady dealings with the elections (not unusual) and people are estimating that 100,000 people here in Phnom Penh were not allowed to vote because their names were "somehow erased" from the voter registration papers!   Outside of this, the election went by rather quietly...no problems as in the past.

The Opposition parties are asking for a re-vote in Phnom Penh....but we'll see if that actually happens!  We have been warned to stay out of public places and crowds this weekend in case anything happens in the form of a riot of protest.   

Another interesting article on current land grabbing issues here in Cambodia can be found at:  

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/07/26/asia/27cambodia.php

What we're eating these days...

     

We are often asked what kinds of food we eat here in Cambodia.  Though there are Western grocery stores and items available here, in our home we eat a majority of Khmer food.  There are a few dishes that we have found that we don't  like, but for the most part we eat some REALLY good food!

     People often talk about losing lots of weight when they travel overseas....here in Cambodia though I think we have to be careful that we don't gain weight!  Here's a few of the things we ate just this passed week.

Pic #1  Fried Tilapia with Ginger and fermented beans  (doesn't look too lovely, but really doesn't taste too bad!)

Pic #2  Samlah Mechjew Krueng  (made with tamarind for a sour taste, hot peppers, water convolusus, and beef...this is a VERY popular Khmer dish and it really is VERY good!)

Pic #3  TaoHuu  This is Chris' favorite breakfast here.  There was a dish like it in the Phillipines that he loves as well called Tahot.  Pretty much its homemade tofu with a sugar ginger liquid...yum yum!

     For the longest time I've thought that I have the perfect business opportunity while living overseas.

     As foreigners, and native English speakers living in another country you can often be bombarded with advertisements and even billboards that are written in English.  When we lived in Battambang we collected different types of clean water bottles because we truly enjoyed reading the English descriptions of the purification process on the bottle.  When  you go to restaurants it can also be humorous to read through the menu as many times the translation of the type of food you are ordering suggests you are eating something quite unique!

     So I've decided that if I ever needed to make a little extra money all I need to do is contact restaurants and different companies that like to advertise in English and offer to proof-read their materials before they decide to print several thousand items with very poor english on them.  

     The picture above is of a wrapper for an electric mosquito killer that we recently purchased.  It reads: 

beautiful enduring

safe encironm-eatal

piotection

usage convenienie

Hmmm.....yet another one to add to our collection!

     This is also a reminder to us of the importance of really focusing on language learning and good communication.  We were told a story the other day about a man who has come to Cambodia to 'preach the Gospel', but he didn't believe in the necessity of good, solid language learning.  Our friends heard him preach the other day, and because speaking about religious things in the Cambodian language requires you do have an entirely different vocabulary (which this man didn't know about) he ended up preaching total heresy!  Rather than saying that humans are totally incapable of getting rid of our sin and that without Jesus we can never get close to God, he stated that humans did not sin and that we could be like God!  Wow!  Getting three or four words wrong can communicate the opposite of what you really meant to say!